A Brick World

I got out
immediate — first thing I did was meet with a sponsor. And like, <almost

laughing> start working the steps

all over

You know, I
I went to this meeting

and

It was right by where I was living, everything was just right there.

It wasn’t an official — the, uh — Lambda meeting

But it was like—it was

all

It was all gay

Men,

You know?

They were all older,
They all had like real jobs It’s like

the upper echelon of

<chuckles> of — AA, you know what I mean?

I didn’t really fit in
but I was like
very welcome
you know what I mean? Like

Nobody else there had tattoos.
Everyone was like, over fifty.

And there I was,
fresh out of

<laughter in voice>
fresh out of prison

You know, I still had this look on my face

Trying to be hard, or whatever, you know what I mean, So you don’t ge

taken advantage of or whatever

and <deep inhale>

And they just welcomed me with like open arms you know and I became like It

became my home group, you know?

I was veryvery close with those people and I

I ended up —

stopped working with the first sponsor
And got a sponsor there

And

And just blossomed.

Yeah, they didn’t wanna give us bras.

The— their reason was like well—

There’s— I don’t see anything but men here.
And I said okay bet.

And so I got all the girls together and I was like
bitch—

We should just streak !

You know what I’m saying? Like—

do your normal routine.

Go hit them pull up bars, girl

Do your lil laps on the track, do all that stuff,

no shirt.

No nothin

And let’s see what happens.

They put the fuckin’ yard down!
They hit the alarm

There was all these women running around here with
just titties just free

you know.

And they put the fuckin’ yard down

We got bras though.

I I got that tattoo at— at— at Stonehenge

some—
somewhere between like the,

the

couple days before, couple—couple days after
Summer Solstice,
1984

And it was a trip, man. I mean—
there

that— that

<pause>

that two week, ten day to two week period,

I mean, <stammers> at Stonehenge with—

Hell’s Angels

and punks

and

and - and

rockers

um, it—

and there were black flags flying,

and— you know,

there was vegan food, and people were—
doing drugs, and—

sort of—ten day period of
of

mutual aid and—
e-—even though there were so many different,
it wasn’t any violence. I mean

it was like Hell’s Angels

and
Rastafarians

and punks

and all these people hanging out together and—
and

taking care of themselves
and each other and not having

conflict

It felt very revolutionary.

Uh, and—and very freeing

By the time I got to prison...

Prison in a lot of ways is a lot chiller
than jail

And so—
after a little while

there

I started

just studying

And I got really into— to reading,
I was reading like a lot of like magazines
and newspapers
and

books

and uh—

I just like
that really helped me

to like

contextualize my, like life experience

and give me some grounding to like—

<pause>

to like understand like—

Okay I’ve made choices,

people around me made choices—
everyone here made choices

but also there’s like a much larger like
context

here

that was really liberating
to like learn and understand.

And then also just like—
through reading and stuff like this
just like access with—

um
a world outside of this like
extremely

insular

world

by design.

So I was like yeah.
It’s like you can take your mind

outside of— of that place

So I really got into— to education

And I ended up doing some
correspondence
courses
through the mail
and um

Yeah, I stuck with that when I got out.
Went to college when I got out.

What happened to me?

You know what I mean? like what happened?

Like I’ve always been so sovereign —you know now I’m—

My life is dictated by a drug dealer.

You know, like, I I was like a, such a,

free person

And now, like I’m—

You know, I just I was like man this is crazy and I just remember crying like

whatever powers that be,

you know?

I don’t have the strength to get

out of this.

And, uh,

the next day I was arrested.

You know I was facing a life sentence at first. So—
and then I’m
<laughing> you know,

kicking dope in the county jail <continues laughing> like <inhales>

I don’t think I’m ever gonna get out of a county jail for as long as I live.

It was
It was very
Um <inhale> you know

But I had a big spiritual moment there, you know it was like I—

I’ve always had a very—
good connection to
whatever the powers that be are

And I remember getting on my hand and knees

and being like

Father save your servant

and

make it so fucking bad that I lose the taste for this shit.

And

It was funny, years later I was watching a movie and that’s the first line of an exorcism.

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